It was the first time I’d been able to look back and say to myself that I’d made it through that day, I’d found peace, I had done it.
But that wasn’t quite what happened, not in the slightest.
The day I finally got up from the hospital bed in a hospital gown and took a look at the weather.
I’d just watched the sun set over the lake in North Wales and the skies were filled with red.
“It was just raining, but there was a little bit of sunshine,” said my GP, Dr Joanne Murphy, as we left hospital.
She was standing next to me in her waiting room.
I was on my way back to work, but she’d wanted to make sure I’d had a good look at my first forecast.
This morning’s forecast had been a little rough, I told her, but I knew it was my last chance to look at this forecast for the rest of the day.
We had the day off, but not to miss the forecast.
My GP had called to say that a few days ago, she’d been in the same hospital as me, but the weather had been so different, she was not sure if she’d even been there.
What she saw in my eyes was so much more than what I was seeing in the weather forecast.
I thought it was a dream, that it was just a dream and she could just sit there and wait.
My GP had also called to tell me that the day before, I hadn’t had a look in my forecast, but that I was able to see a lot more sunshine and clouds.
Today, the forecast was even better.
There was so little sunshine and the clouds were so dark.
So I started to read my forecast again.
In the middle of the afternoon, I realised that it had been six hours since I’d gone into hospital.
It was so close to the start of my recovery.
That night, I slept in my car with the windows open, thinking about what I’d done, about what had happened to me.
Then I realised I was so grateful that I had.
All I’d ever wanted was to look out the window and see the clouds, I said to myself.
It was so sad that I couldn’t do that today, said the GP.
But what she said was true.
I wasn’t just a doctor who got her start at the age of 15.
After all this time, she said, you start to believe that things can happen, things can change.
When the clouds come and go, it is not so bad, she added.
A day that I wish I could say goodbye to I’m so happy, I thought to myself, and I could see that I wasn